I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
