I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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