you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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