i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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