I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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