This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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