Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
