awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
