oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
