Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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