You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
