My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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