a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
