My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
