This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
