i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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