is your mom at the bar?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
