He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize