Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When are your genitals available?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
