you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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