I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
