So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize