I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
