Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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