i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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