I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How's work?
Spinning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
