No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
