he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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