The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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