we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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