I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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