i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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