I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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