I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
