so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
