I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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