He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize