Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
