so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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