I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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