I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize