He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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