its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
