Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
