I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
