Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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