carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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