Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
