just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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