I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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