I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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