I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
