do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
