i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
