I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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