onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
