Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Randomize
