One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My ATM looks so different sober.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i drank out of a bidet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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