just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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