Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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