Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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