well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
