Four minutes until I can fart!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
