im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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