I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize