Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
