If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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