i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize