Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
