I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
