Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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