I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize