I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
