Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
