I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
