My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
