Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
