That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
