Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
