im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
4 words: hood of his car
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
