It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is my gift to your gina
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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