oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
either way he was missing a nipple.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
