3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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