I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
