Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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