Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
