My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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