I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
