so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
