who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
